Lou Dobbs Swears E.T. Is Not An Illegal Alien

Travel back in space and time to the year 1999. The United States stock market was going to the moon and Lou Dobbs wanted to go too.

The rocket fuel Dobbs needed to propel his long time fascination for space travel, exploration and science fiction would come in the form of cash from venture capitalists, NBC and other dot.com investors.

After 19 years as the host and anchor of CNN’s Moneyline, Dobbs resigned his position and became Chairman and CEO of space.com.

In an interview for his website, Dobbs predicated “a successful manned mission to Mars in the next twenty years”. He envisioned colonizing the Moon and farming minerals from various planets and asteroids. Would this “invasion” (a term Dobbs often uses to refer to Mexicans entering the USA) and colonization of neighboring planets make our astronauts “illegal aliens”? Would our space program expect English to be spoken throughout the universe? How difficult will it be to fill these dirty farming jobs on distant planets when right here on planet earth we can’t find anyone to wash dishes or mow lawns?

I find it ironic that Dobbs can accept aliens from outer space but not aliens from outside the borders of the United States.

To this day, Dobbs remains a board member of space.com. After watching 60 to 100 million dollars get lost in space, Dobbs resigned as the companies CEO in 2001.

In hope of reviving interest in financial news after the stock market meltdown, Ted Turner welcomed the Harvard educated Dobbs back to CNN with open arms. Dobbs return may have improved CNN’s television ratings but employee moral would soon fall into a black hole.

According to various reports, several CNN employees say Dobbs is a volatile, ruthless screamer.  They even report that Dobbs demanded a short producer stand on a chair so he could yell at him.

While Dobbs has authored several books including “War on the Middle Class” and “Exporting America: Why Corporate Greed is Shipping America Jobs Overseas”, a journalist reported that Dobbs was telling his Money Letter clients to buy stocks in several of the same corporations that appeared on a list of companies that were outsourcing jobs.

It was time for Dobbs to return from orbit and reinvent himself. Americans now have the privilege of watching Dobbs criticize immigrants, immigration bills, amnesty and Congress on a daily basis while viewing CNN’s Lou Dobbs Tonight. If you think no one is watching your wrong. More viewers are tuning into Dobbs program than ever before and his influence on Capital Hill in Washington has increased. According to Representative Tom Tancredo (R-Colorado), members of Congress are afraid to challenge Dobbs and pander to his acerbic position on illegal immigration and undocumented workers.

The new version of Lou Dobbs had become the Darth Vader of nightly news. In a March 2004 issue of the Wall Street Journal, Daniel Henninger wrote, “It is as if whatever made Linda Blair’s head spin around in “The Exorcist” had invaded the body of Lou Dobbs and left him with the brain of Dennis Kucinich.” Given Kucinich’s views on extraterrestrial activities Henninger may be on to something.

The Wall Street Journal reported that American jobs proponent Dobbs actually considered running for president in early 2008.

Would anyone actually consider voting for a man who once said “I don’t think there should be a St. Patrick’s Day”? Say goodbye to your green beer if Dobbs actually became president and tell Columbus, MLK, St. Nick and everyone of their questionable ancestry to cross our soon to be secure fenced borders while they still can.

My stomach is already grumbling. If Dobbs has his way, trying to find a good burrito, pork fried rice or Italian festival might become as frustrating for me as the “press two for Spanish” prompt is for Dobbs television audience. 

E.T. please phone home… and remember to “press one for English”.